The Usual Suspects

Divine Ordinance: everything from this point on is intended to incite hatred, create division, foment unrest, just say yes, smack my bitch up, cause a lolocaust, offend, encourage violence, target the vulnerable, put your head in a gas oven and put your rights over your responsibilities.

I've thought of an idea for a blockbuster movie script. It's a sort of Pale Rider story about a gunfighter who returns from the dead to wreak vengeance on those who wronged him. I want it told in a kind of Usual Suspects style, leaving the viewer to work out who the real Crook is.

There'll be an eclectic range of characters picked randomly from people I've come across in real life.

There'll be the average businessman, Damphouse, who's machinations stretch to sitting side saddle on a cheap iron horse, and his sidekick Walliams.

Halfchat, the mysterious fortune teller who types in tongs due to a visual impairment.

Pool Hand Fluke, who knows that a stitch in time saves mine.

Mincing Wolf who clears up everybody's mess.

Pinky Gay Trousers, a sobering influence on some.

'Barking mad' Stutter Stella.

Rob, Jane and Eddy, an unholy trinity who's penchant for perversion in a pentangle is politely policed.

And Many Moore.

I haven't quite thought of a title yet; maybe 'At the Mates of Hell', 'Underneath the Syrup Kettle', 'Bears in the Woods?'

I hope Ricky Gervais is interested, Nothing he's been in is as memorable as The Office.